Not Exactly Every Boy's Dream
by ardy1
Summary: Following Sokka's advice, Zuko tries to use romance to get himself out of trouble. Some things just aren't meant to be. Rated for language and some adult concepts. Oneshot.


_A/N: This is a silly thing written for the ZukoGetsLaid community over on LiveJournal. An AU piece._

_Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Avatar or its characters. Owell. I'll get over it. So will you. In the meantime…_

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"I don't get it. What's the big deal?" Zuko threw a fiery punch at his non-existent foe. At the moment, that foe was wearing Sokka's face. "It's just a _girl_."

Sokka himself stood on the other side of the campfire, fingers of both hands pulling at the skin around his eyes in frustration. The fact that these two were sharing a campfire in at least somewhat amity was bizarre enough. That they had done it often enough to be engaged in a conversation regarding their sex-lives, or the lack of existence thereof, is a tale that bears telling. Just not here. There simply _isn't _time.

"Trust me. Having lived with one virtually my whole life there is no such thing as 'just a girl'!" Sokka had decided that Zuko's mode of dealing with unpleasant facts was to simply ignore them. Well, that wouldn't do this time. "I would think _you _would know better by now."

Zuko ignored him and continued his kata.

Although they didn't realize it, each was echoing the other's thoughts: "_Dumb_ fuck doesn't know what he's talking about."

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"She saw you. She recognized you. There is a reward posted for your head. Don't you think _maybe_ you should try to find out what she intends to do about it?" Sokka refused to let the subject die.

"She" was a pretty Earth Kingdom girl at the market stand where Sokka was replenishing their food supply. Zuko wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the market in the first place – Sokka was far less recognizable and no one knew they were traveling together. But Zuko had got bored with waiting and couldn't resist checking out the wares on the cart parked near the girl's stand.

He had this _thing_ for masks…

And the hesitation in the girl's voice as she counted Sokka's change had caught his attention. Following her eyes he saw Zuko arguing with the vendor over a blue mask. Looking again at the girl's face he _knew_ they were in trouble.

"Okay, fine. What do you suggest _I _do about it?" Zuko sat back down at the fire.

"Well, I followed her home, so we know where she lives," Sokka paused to consider.

"Stalker."

"Don't be an ass, she won't remember me from a hole in the ground. I was careful."

"Yeah. I can picture it," Perhaps if he were insulting enough Sokka would get distracted. It had yet to work in the past, but Zuko never lost hope.

"So, maybe you could go by there later and, you know, _talk_ to her," Sokka pushed the concept forward. He did_ not_ want the Fire Nation any closer on their trail than it already was.

"Talk to her?" Zuko hated talking to people.

"Yeah. Give her some _attention_. Girls _like_ believing guys are taking them seriously," Sokka knew very well the mistake of not taking a girl seriously, even if she was his sister.

"Alright. But just how far do you think I'll have to go to get her to ignore that reward?" Zuko _hated_ Sokka's plans. They always got him in trouble.

Sokka grinned, "As far as you think you have to, man. It's all up to you. Hey, maybe you should consider this – an opportunity."

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Sokka had settled himself for a long wait in the shadow of dark trees down the road from the small cottage.

It was late, and there had only been one light. Zuko had knocked, and the girl had opened the door in surprise. But she quickly admitted him.

Sokka felt stupid. What? Zuko had wanted him along for immoral support? Here was the prince of the Fire Nation afraid to talk to a girl, maybe flirt a little. Maybe give a kiss or two. Hell, maybe he could get more while he was at it. Sokka sat day-dreaming about what he would do in the prince's shoes, completely ignoring his own past history of fumbled lines and lost opportunities. Well, not all lost opportunities…

Suddenly there was a crash and muffled yells from the house behind him. Zuko emerged at a dead run.

"What-?"

"Run! Just run. We gotta get outta here!" Zuko grabbed him by the shoulder and the two of them ran for their campsite.

Zuko started slamming their kit together, heading for the small boat they had beached in this narrow cove. If his eyes hadn't already been adjusted for the darkness Sokka would have stumbled as well, but he followed Zuko's lead.

"What happened?"

"Oh, you were right. She recognized me, and she was _thrilled_ to see me there. I chatted her up, just like you suggested…" Zuko threw the last of their belongings on-board and started shoving the boat into the night surf.

"This is crazy! Why are you in such a hurry?" Sokka considered Zuko's night-sailing skills and decided the other boy had, indeed, been _seriously_ spooked.

"So we go back to her bedroom, and I'm thinking, okay, so this could be a good thing, right?"

"And?" Both of them were wet to the knee as they jumped aboard.

"So, she wasn't alone. There was another girl there in her bed!"

"Okay. I am _so_ confused. There's another girl and she invites you into her bed. HOW IS THIS BAD?" Sokka was plainly aghast.

"The other girl was my _**sister**_!"

FIN

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A/N: This was my first attempt at humorous writing and, I swear, my greatest success at this particular genre. It _still_ cracks me up to read it, more than a year later as I update it to 'cure' typos. As of 9/07 it has had over 1,250 hits! 'Course, a mere fraction have left reviews (le gasp! It boggles the mind to imagine how many of those readers might have HATED it, but been too polite to say so!) Well, considering the publishing date I consider that hit rate a major success! After all, if they didn't hate it enough to say so, and still have taken the time to seek it out, how BAD could it have been? Surely my 'cohones' as a 'semi-published' writer haven't discouraged the disappointed from putting me in my place?

Nah! Ain't heard anything of the sort to date. Gotta assume this sends giggles around ad hoc. "What's not to laugh at?"

Mind you – if you know better…


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